Have you or your loved one been diagnosed with melanoma? Call 01135179696 and we will get back to you.
Have you or your loved one been diagnosed with melanoma? Call 01135179696 and we will get back to you.
As a child, I was never ill; I rode horses, played outside with friends and never got burnt. As an adult, I continued with my life outside, but again, I wore hats, never used a sunbed, and never burnt – at least not to the point I have had blisters. My defining moment came at 19 when I learned I had Lymphatic cancer- common in children and within the blood family of cancers. I had to undergo six months of Chemotherapy which left me feeling scared and lonely. However, I had the support of nurses, councillors and my support network, as my treatment had left me with very little hair and a grey complexion so the physical manifestations of my cancer allowed those looking from the outside to see what I was going through. I still felt lonely, but people sympathised, were supportive and constantly asked if I was okay. After five years of checkups and scans, I was discharged as no evidence of disease. Still, with every doctor’s appointment between then and now, I have had this note on my records, so any sign of illness has been taken very seriously.
Five years after my all-clear, so ten years ago, I was a little concerned about a mole – due to my history, they had me in, and it was removed within two weeks. It was benign, but I have always been careful with my health, never ignoring something that didn’t feel right. When I was at the hospital getting checked over the rest of my body, they noticed a rather large mole I have had since childhood. They confirmed it was big, but just to keep an eye on it, as it looked normal. In June 2018, I took, my then puppy to a show. He was so excited and whilst it was hot it was cloudy. I didn’t take a hat, suncream or stay in the shade. I was burnt to a crisp and red for about 5 days. My partner said I had a tan for about 3 years.
In April 2022, I was drying myself off after a shower and walked past my wardrobe mirror. I’m not vain by any means but I glanced at my back as it had been itching me like crazy! There was a little “extension” on my big mole, which looked like it had grown an additional mole. Off I plodded to the doctors, sure in my confidence it was nothing to worry about. It was just better to get it checked out. It couldn’t be cancer as I was never a sunbather. They referred me under the 2-week rule, again I was relaxed as this had become normal to me after my first cancer. I was seen by the dermatologist, who checked me over and pointed at a few that were dark but normal and to keep an eye on. However, they wanted to remove the one on my back to get it tested.
I was taking my exams for the end of my academic year, as I was studying at the Open University, when I received a call to say my results were in. Still, they could not see me for two weeks or discuss them with me. At this point, my ears pricked up, and I was convinced I had cancer again. After scraping through my exams, I attended my appointment after two weeks of researching on Dr Google all the skin cancer types, the survival rates and what to expect, which did not help my mental health. I was told I have Superficial spreading Melanoma and it was caught early at stage 1a. I remember jumping up in the air and whooping as, from my research, it was really early and one of the more common. They explained about suncare and that I would need a Wide Lesion Excision, but my biopsy margins were clear.
In June 2022, I undertook my WLE, which I have to say was less painful than my biopsy. I then went on holiday to Ireland with my stitches still in and did lots of walking in the sun, not letting the diagnoses affect me. My results came back three weeks later, and they had gotten clear margins, and my life continued. I went to checkups every three months and went on holiday to Spain, being cautious but not letting the diagnosis stop my life.
In April 2023, I had two more checkups left to go, and I found a discolouration on my breast…. I went into a mental health crisis, but I didn’t start googling about the chance of Breast Cancer. The fear and anxiety were about my Melanoma. I couldn’t stop feeling like my skin was out to kill me. The sun was going to kill me. In May, I went to the Breast Cancer clinic and was told I was fine, but the emotional turmoil of the skin cancer diagnosis had caught up with me. I would put towels and blankets in the windows, brought ££££££ in UV clothing and consistently- even inside at my computer wore sunscreen every two hours. I had started to see a local counsellor at my cancer clinic in April when my mental health had begun to decline, but I felt they didn’t hear me. I felt unheard like I was being dismissed as it was “Skin cancer” The treatment and support from the NHS compared to my Lymphatic cancer has been entirely different. A lack of understanding that just because they can’t see it and “it’s been removed” doesn’t mean it’s not cancer and effects those diagnosed the same no matter the cancer type. Some close to me were concerned about my behaviour and how it consumed my life but thought it was me just being sensitive.
I found Melanoma Me on a Facebook group for early-stage Melanoma, and others in the group had counselling. I was still undertaking my 1-2-1 counselling locally, so I joined their online support group in July 2023. I remember feeling so raw still, having loved the summer months in my garden, riding and walking, and feeling trapped in my own home. The support group, chaired by two of Melanoma Me’s counsellors, allowed me to share my feelings in a safe space and to listen to others’ journeys, whether it was just beginning or had been going on for a while. It was nice to know I was not alone, and the group allowed me to feel heard. In August 2023, I started 1-2-1 counselling with Melanoma Me. The support groups helped me to not feel alone in my fear, but the 1-2-1 counselling was centred entirely on me. I could talk about what I thought was relevant to me, my anxiety, worries, and all the other emotions I was feeling. I felt like my counsellor was there by my side, not judging, just being there and letting me figure out what I needed. I have been on this journey with Melanoma me for nearly a year now. I started this summer in 2024 with open eyes and self-compassion that if I don’t want to go out in my garden today, I don’t have to. If I want to go on holiday to Spain, I can do that. I’m still learning what I feel comfortable with – such as wearing hats or putting on my sunscreen and when, but I won’t let my cancer consume me. I won’t let the fear win. I still attend the online support group each month when I can. I am still undertaking 1-2-1 counselling with my counsellor; I don’t discuss just the Melanoma but my life as a whole as your not just your cancer. If I were talking to me from April 2023, I would say. Don’t be so harsh on yourself; you have cancer. You do have people out there that hear you. You are important. Don’t let others decide how you should feel. You are not alone.
What do I have to say to you? You are not alone. You are not your cancer. Reach out to Melanoma Me, as they don’t just have a support group or 1-2-1 and will be able to support you. “Scars are a reminder that I was hurt. Scars are also a reminder that I survived.” – Erin Brockovich.
